


Patterns of the Irrational

by ThoughtsCascade



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen, Monologue, Other characters mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-05 20:14:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19047583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThoughtsCascade/pseuds/ThoughtsCascade
Summary: The TARDIS is being rather rude to her, really. So Missy decides to stop playing games and instead just sit and wait things out. She can be patient, right?Very soon, however, she ends up talking, and shares a surprising amount about herself.





	Patterns of the Irrational

**Author's Note:**

  * For [YourAverageAspiringAuthor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourAverageAspiringAuthor/gifts).



Missy leaned against the TARDIS wall, crossing one ankle over the other.. “Well, if you’re going to make yourself a maze, I suppose I’ll just wait here then.” She could use her vortex manipulator to get herself out, but then the Doctor would think she’d run off, and really, couldn’t have that. And she was sick of aimlessly wandering around. She’d just been looking for a room with an instrument. Or music, of some sort.

“I did mean it when I said I wouldn’t make you a paradox machine again.”

She shut her eyes. If this took too long, she’d send the Doctor a telepathic message explaining the situation. Yeah. That would work.

The temperature incrementally increased. Not enough to be at all dangerous to a Time Lord, but enough to make one who wore as many layers as Missy slightly uncomfortable. 

“Is this revenge? For that? Or just the fact you don’t like me in general?” She paused, considering. “Or is it just the fact you dislike me?”

The TARDIS supplied no answer, even after Missy ‘helpfully’ pointed out, “You could use your voice interface, you know, actually give me a reply.”

Still, there was no response.

She sighed heavily. “I wonder. Did he ever talk to you about me? Or do you just know what I’ve done to you? Done to his humans, since surely they would have talked about it? Did he ever defend me to them? To you? Try to explain how I’m not the Joker to his Batman, but the Hush? How he can’t bring himself to kill me, and why?”

A pause. “Or are you just as in the dark as almost everyone else? No one really knows the full of it.” A laugh, only a bit manic. “Not even him. I do wonder, do I know the full story? Or has he managed to keep some details from me?”

Missy swallowed. “I wasn’t always a bad person. Really, I wasn’t. I had people I loved. I wanted… I had a daughter, you know. I told doe-eyes about her. Clara. I told her about my daughter… Not sure why I did that.” Despite the slowly increasing heat, she shivered a bit.

“I’m not going to tell you her name. My daughter’s, that is. She’s dead, I could speak it freely, but I won’t. It’s not for you.”

“...Her nickname was Phi, though. Not that… she wasn’t a Time Lord. Just an ordinary Gallifreyan. That’s not… I’m sure you know that’s not how it typically works. But I adopted her. So.”

Missy was silent for a few moments, still not complaining about the temperature, which was steadily but subtly creeping up. She did, however, deign to take off her coat. She moved to use it as a pillow, but quickly frowned and took it out from behind her head once more. It muffled the natural whirring of the TARDIS, and she needed some level of noise, preferably besides her own voice. Thus why she’d been looking for an instrument in the first place. Things were too quiet, usually, without the drums.

She instead folded it and placed it next to her. Then, after further consideration, moved it to her lap. “That’s the Greek letter, mind you, not the word. I adopted her when she was… well. Old enough to not need to rely on me. That’s part of the reason I adopted. Didn’t think I’d do well with a creature that couldn’t express itself. Sure, there’s telepathy, but… Even then, I wasn’t sure prolonged exposure to my mind would be great for a tot.”

“Her parents didn’t want her. There were… multiple reasons for that. Some justified, some not. But I took her in.”

“Sometimes the Doctor, in a fit of irony, has accused me of being unable to love anyone but myself. A lot of people have accused me of not being able to care about anyone but myself. But I really did love her. I’ve only ever really cared for one, maybe two at a stretch, other people like that, like the way I cared for her. Obviously. I was unmarried, after all. Better with people than Sigma, but couldn’t find myself a wife.”

“Or, rather, didn’t care for one. And Theta married young. Spent ages courting her. I was…”

Missy shook her head. “But I have loved people. Not my family, maybe, but I loved my daughter, at least. So there was that. Then again, I wonder. Would it be considered terrible for me to say I’m glad she died before the war? She wasn’t a Time Lord, they didn’t store her in the Matrix, she’s really…”

Instead of continuing, Missy quieted and spent a while humming. Eventually, she opened her eyes and sighed. “But I’m glad she didn’t have to go through the war.”

“She was… good. I’ve ruined a lot of things, destroyed a lot of things- a third of the universe, plenty of planets and species, possibly even myself. Hell, maybe the Doctor too, at times, though he at least seems able to bounce back. But I didn’t mess her up.”

The temperature, she noted, didn’t seem to be increasing anymore. Rather, it appeared to be rapidly falling. Indeed, Missy had to put her coat back on.

And yet, now she managed to not shiver. “I’m not sure why they never tried to use her against me. Maybe they didn’t know, they didn’t pay much attention to regular Gallifreyans typically. Or maybe they were waiting for the perfect time, the time absolutely nothing else worked, and before they knew it, it was too late and she was already dead. Or maybe they figured I didn’t really care about her. Figured I was just using her for my own amusement.”

“I wasn’t.”

“I did care, even when I was a kid,” Missy continued conversationally, after a bout of silence. She was speaking a bit more quickly, some sense of urgency propelling her on. “I wasn’t the best at showing it, but I did. I cared about Thete more than I’d cared about anything or anyone else in my life, at that point. He was my best friend.” If anyone in their friend group hadn’t actually cared about or for the others, Missy would put good money on it being Ushas. 

“I was, I mean, when he left Gallifrey, it was bad. He abandoned me. Without a word, without a warning. As kids we’d promised that we’d leave Gallifrey together. And it’s not like we grew more distant as adults. Well, maybe he did, I don’t know. But I considered him my closest friend. My only friend, in some of the ways that mattered. Friend doesn’t even begin to cover the depth of it, really. And he left me. And I was upset. And. And.” Missy took a deep breath and exhaled in a long sigh.

“I missed him and I chased after him and I was so focused on that I didn’t notice anything of myself I was losing until after I’d already lost it.”

The hall Missy was in returned to its normal temperature. The whirring grew louder. Slowly, Missy stood up. Might as well start looking for the Doctor again. Even if it felt like she had been chasing him ever since he left.

Luckily for her, she ended up in the console room as soon as she reached the end of the hall.

The Doctor gave her an annoyed look. “And just where have you been?”

“I got lost,” Missy replied with an innocent shrug, wondering moments after saying it why she was covering for the infernal machine.

Well, either way, it didn’t seem to fool the Doctor, who immediately began berating the TARDIS about how she couldn’t just trap Missy in a maze of corridors as it was just plain rude.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope y'all enjoyed. Friend this was gifted to said they like my Missy and I wanted to gift them a thing so. Happy uuuhhhhh *spins wheel* Good Omens day, yeah, I'm using my fic to tell people to watch a show, so what?
> 
> (Also didn't know if I should tag for implications of Doctor/Master or not, whoops.)


End file.
